Green
by NarcissusXIII
Summary: Formerly Ruby494! "I don't need a friend!" I screamed internally, unable to speak. Swallowing nervously, I glanced in the direction of his bedroom, his eyes following mine, clouded with confusion, only to grow incredibly wide a moment later. TOH!
1. Welcome to My Normal

**A/N: Sorry, reposting chapter 1 b/c something happened to it. (I seem to have no luck with this site lol)**

**Anyway for those of you who may be new to this story, it's based loosely on my life, in Bella's pov. **

**And check out my other story 'Heart Shaped Glasses' if your a Harry Potter fan. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, just the plot, the rest is SM.**

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**Chapter 1:Welcome to My Normal**

Blindly, I reached out for my iPod, gently patting the bed until my fingers made contact with the cold, hard plastic. I lightly brushed my thumb over its smooth body, quickly finding the dial and turning the volume up as high as it would allow. My ears were beginning to hurt but I ignored the pain, deciding the headache would be worth it if I could just drown out every other sound for a few hours.

Eventually the pounding music silenced everything, my own thoughts included, as I lay in bed, wrapped in a large throw blanket. I could feel the tension begin to slowly leak out of my body with each song, the frustrations brought on by the day start to dissolve. I allowed myself to just lay there, detached from reality, until after the sun set and I saw my room fall into darkness from behind my closed eyes. It was some time later that I heard a soft scratch on hollow wood, telling me my Ruby was at my door. Slowly I lifted one eyelid, curiosity finally getting the better of me, and glanced at the glowing red numbers on my clock. 8:42 pm. Nearly two hours had past since I had taken refuge in my room.

Reluctantly I turned the dial and heard the music fade, pulling the white buds from my ears I deposited my iPod on my bedside table and shifted my gaze lazily to my right. Curled into my hip was Snickers, sleeping soundly, her dark body hardly distinguishable against my wolf print throw. Smiling, I reached down to scratch the little cat's head, immediately receiving a low purr as she thrust her chin up, angling her body so I could scratch her neck. I began to laugh quietly to myself as she twisted herself in awkward and strange positions, trying to get me to scratch just the right spot.

A loud meow came from the other side of the room, reminding me that Ruby wanted to be let out. Instantly I felt Snickers run over my legs and jump of the bed, her presence earning a low growl from the older cat. The two felines resembled sisters. My cat Ruby, who had recently turned two, was the older sister, quiet and well mannered, forever being irritated by the younger Snickers. My sister's one year old furry ball of energy, who played her part of the younger sister well, endlessly getting into trouble. With a threatening hiss from Ru I threw back the blanket and made my way to the door, opening it only slightly before the two cats bolted from the room. Not even a minute later I heard another hiss followed by a loud thump, some days they got along, today wasn't one of them. Standing in my doorway, I extended my arms over my head and stood on tip toes, pulling my back in a good stretch, hoping to relieve the stiffness that had settled into my muscles. After hearing a few cracks from various places on my body (a habit I just can't seem to kick), I turned my attention to the other end of the house and listened intently. Nothing.

Casually I walked towards the kitchen, pausing momentarily at my sister`s closed door, the soft clicking of keys and low murmur of her voice. So she was on the phone and using my laptop, great. Deciding to leave her with the computer, I would be in bed shortly anyway, I stepped into the kitchen, immediately noticing the lack of footwear by the door. Glancing out the large window by the table I saw that the car was not in the driveway, mom and Phil had left. I shrugged, at least I would`t have to deal with them for, what I was hoping would be, a few hours and turned my attention back to the kitchen. There were still dishes in the sink and the floor had obviously not been swept, among the other things I was intentionally ignoring. Automatically I began filling the sink with hot, soapy water, dropping a handful of dishes in after checking the cats`water bowl, which had been empty again.

_`So this is what I come back to`_, I thought bitterly, while mechanically washing the dishes. This had become our routine, or should I say my routine. Each night I would check around the house for any chores that were left undone from that day, basically whatever I had not already finished. Since my return everyone had discovered they were magically allergic to housework, everyone meaning mom and Phil. At least Jessie tried to help around the house, even if she failed miserably at it. I sighed, scrubbing one of our large pots, I was a built in maid and bank machine, because after buying groceries, paying my phone bill, student loan and vet bills, then getting anything Jess needed and helping out with random bills, of course I should still have money overflowing from my wallet, ready to place into their open hands. I work at a bakery for crying out loud!

But I agreed to it, I reminded myself almost daily, I knew it would be like this when I agreed to come back. It was something I had decided with my older brother Emmett a little over two years ago, that I would return home to Forks until our little sister, Jessica, has graduated highschool.

The three of us were always unnaturally close for siblings, a bond that had formed because of our parents, and for that I thanked them as much as I cursed them. Renee and Charlie fought daily, they had screaming matches that would last hours, most nights they keeping us awake until the late hours of the morning. We were scared at first, trying to listen to every word that was said, to understand what we did so wrong to have this happen. We soon realized that their fights had almost nothing to do with us, unless we were being used as pawns, they fought about everything, about money and bills, but mostly they would just insult each other until they ran out of words.

Eventually we stopped listening, stopped caring why they were fighting, we become desensitized, and this became our version of normal. We ignored the fact that our father drank too much, that he would come stumbling through the door at random hours after drinking away the grocery money, we began wishing he wouldn't come back. We stopped comforting our mother every time she cried, she was drowning in self pity, and after all the years she wasn't there for us, we let her drown.

We never realized how much these conditions changed us until we were older, we were always more mature then our friends, always understanding things they didn't. Looking back now I can see how perceptive and careful we were, how guarded, even at eight years old. Our childhood was something we rarely talked about, not that there weren't good memories, we had our share of those, it was just easier this way.

Slowly, tiredly, I placed the last bowl in the cupboard, closing the door with a soft _thud_ and decided the rest could wait until tomorrow. Exhaling deeply, I leaned against the sharp edge of the counter top and pulled my hands through my hair. Casually I let my gaze drop to the waist length strand of dark chocolate brown hair that had fallen over my shoulder, noticing the ends beginning to curl. Narrowing my eyes slightly I glared at the curling hair, refusing to admit that despite my many attempts to keep my hair straight, I would always fail. My eyes traveled further down my body, stopping at my stomach when I saw several wet spots on my white tank top.

"Oh well, at least we know I'm consistent." I muttered to myself, irritated that most of the water ended up on me every time I washed the dishes. Inspecting my clothing further, I was rather pleased to discovered my faded blue jeans were not drenched as well, something that was nothing short of a miracle for me.

Taking a moment, I realized just how, well, blah I looked, basic white tank top, my old, faded, 'rip across the back of the leg, just under the ass' ripped jeans, topped off with my fuzzy pink boot slipper (or as I nicknamed them Eskimo slippers). Add that to my 'soon to be fluffy' hair and complete lack of makeup and you have yourself the epitome of sexy.

"Keep this up, Swan and you'll never have another guy problem." I groaned, rolling my eyes and pushing myself away from the counter. Tossing the drying cloth in the general direction of the sink, I walked towards the bathroom at the end of the hall, pulling my hair up onto the top of my head in a messy bun. Flicking the light switch, I stepped into the room and stopped in front of the mirror, resting my hips against the sink. I studied my face for just a moment before dropping my eyes and reaching for my toothbrush. I

t was only a few months ago that I all but stopped looking at my reflection, tired of looking at the emotions that were so clearly being displayed across my face. I missed the face that I had left at Dartmouth, the healthy glow, the real smiles, the laugh lines that always seemed to be there, but most of all I missed my eyes. My eyes had always been my most favorite feature, they were this amazing deep brown, flecked with lighter and darker shades, matching my hair perfectly. Everyone would comment on how bright they were, especially when I was telling some ridiculous story, always so full of emotion, like everything about me was put into my eyes for the world to see. They were also what attracted my exboyfriend, Mike Newton, he loved my eyes.

"Too bad he didn't love the rest of me that much." I grumbled to myself, however with the toothbrush that was currently occupying my mouth, it sounded more like "Tu ba e idn loov da res ov mae dat mooch". Not even Mike would love my eyes now, as they were currently in a state of dead, emotionless except for flashes of anger or sadness. The brightness of my eyes had faded dramatically, the color appearing dull.

Dropping my toothbrush into the cup, I turned both handles of the faucet until the water ran warm and grabbed my face wash, pushing the images of my appearance from my mind and letting it wander back to Mike. He was the first person I met at Dartmouth, my first friend, my first boyfriend, my first everything. His blonde hair and blue eyes had somehow found a place in my heart, regardless of how many times I tried to deny it. Needless to say, it didn't last.

My split with Mike had been one of the many reasons I returned to Forks, a fact known by few people. It left me more heartbroken then I would admit to anyone, myself included, so to escape the heartache, I ran.

Somehow I believe I was almost destined to return to Forks, hell, it seemed like everywhere I turned there was another reason to go back. I almost didn't leave the morning I moved to Dartmouth, seeing my sister's tearful face as I walked out the door, I had so many sleepless nights thinking about that face. It was different when Emmett had left for college, he left knowing Jessie and I had each other, while I left knowing she was alone. Emmett and I didn't know at the time just how alone she would be. Hardly two weeks after I moved for college Charlie left, only to come back a few weeks later demanding the house and for Renee to leave. The calls began shortly after, usually Jessie telling us how mom decided to move and that the woman was an absolute wreck. She was turning to Jessie for guidance and comfort, completely ignoring the needs of her youngest daughter.

For two years this continued, almost nightly Jessie would call and Emmett or I would listen to her talk. Renee was depressed, scared, angry and alone, she started dating immediately and going out with friends, too selfish to be concerned with Jess. Charlie was completely absent from her life, which was a bitter sweet moment. She, like Emmett and I, wanted to have no interaction with our father, though it hurt us deeply to realize he wanted the same. He never called on our birthday or visited on Christmas, he just left. Occasionally we would wonder if he even thought about us as we did him, doubtful as it was, he just didn't seem to love us.

Eventually the raw pain turned numb and the name Charlie ceased to spoken. Emmett and I always believed that Jessie was affected more by Charlie's leaving because she looked so much like him, every time she looked in the mirror she was reminded of him. The light, milk chocolate, brown hair that fell just below her shoulder's was the exact shade of Charlie's, her deep sea blue eyes perfect copies of his. Her lean frame had his height, measuring an easy four inches taller then my short five foot three inches. She inherited the same small bump he had on the bridge of his nose, the same long eyelashes. She resembled him perfectly but like everyone else, he had abandoned her. This left her truly alone. It was at the end of my second year when Emmett and I decided waiting for her to graduate from highschool was no longer an option, she couldn't tolerate three more years of this torture.

Knowing what had to be done, Emmett watched silently as punched the numbers of Jess's cell into my cell and pressed talk, preparing to tell her I would be in Forks by next week. I shifted my gaze to him as the phone started ringing, noticing the anger I rarely saw on his face. His chocolate brown eyes, framed by a head of dark curls so similar to mine, were cold and hard, he was furious with himself, with the situation, but powerless to change it, not that I would let him . He hated that I was the one moving back to Forks, that I was dropping out of school and leaving my friends. Emmett believed he should be the one returning home, it was the logical choice. He had just finished his last year at college and could afford to take the time out from school.

Besides my desperate need to put as much physical space between Mike and I as possible, I completely agreed with Emmett, until I had found out just how bad his problem with drugs and alcohol had gotten. As with everything, it was purely recreational at first, just while he was out with the boys or during the game. I was usually so engrossed in my homework and busy with my part-time job that it took a while before I started to notice how many nights he sat around our apartment drunk. Weeks past and the number of empty liquor bottles continued to increase.

It was late one evening, shortly after being fired from his job because he had missed so many shifts, that I found a notice in our mailbox stating we were to pay our last three months rent immediately, before we were evicted. I all but ran up the stairs and threw open the apartment door, screaming for Emmett to explain what the hell was going on. It was his apartment that he let me move into when I came to Dartmouth so I had always transferred my money into his account each month for my share of the rent, to keep things simple. I would have never thought my brother would use our rent money to feed his damn addiction.

I screamed at him for hours, calling him every ugly name I could think of, I screamed until the tears started to fall. Collapsing onto the floor I cried, asking again and again how he could do this to me, accusing him of being no better then Charlie. It was sometime after that, when I had stopped screaming, that he pulled me onto his knee, wrapping his arms around my shaking frame. He whispered apologies into my hair, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, promising me he would change. The next morning I awoke to find myself in my bed, my throat raw from the night before. Quietly I opened my door and stepped into the living room, searching for Emmett but finding a bag full of empty liquor bottles instead.

He's recovering amazingly well, so determined to not be like Charlie, but most of his success is due to his girlfriend, Rosalie. Even though she was about to leave him, she came running back, literally, the moment he called her, admitting everything and assuring her he would remain sober. We forgave him months ago, Rosalie and I, but Emmett still hasn't forgiven himself, something he could never do in Forks.

Reaching for the light switch, I turned it off and stepped into my room, unbuttoning my jeans. Scooping up Ruby, I dropped her on the foot of my bed as I pushed my jeans over my hips, down my legs and walked out of them. Yawning, I reached behind my back, under my top and unclasped my bra, throwing it towards my chair. Pulling back the covers, I slipped into bed and relaxed into my many soft pillows, not bothering to set my alarm. I could feel Ruby walking over my feet, purring quietly as I pulled myself upright and leaned to scratch her ears.

"Night, Ru." I yawned, before falling back into my mountain of softness, breathing deeply, inhaling the warm scent of my bed. I chuckled quietly to myself, wondering how something can smell warm, even though my sheets had somehow managed to do so. Gathering an armful of the heavy covers, I rolled onto my side, exhaling slowly, preparing for sleep.

"Only nine months left." I whispered to myself, as my mind began to go fuzzy, my words spoken more slowly. "Nine months until Dartmouth with Jess and the cats. Then we'll be with Emmett and he can stop being angry with himself and we'll all live happily ever after." I could feel a tiny smile pull at the corner of my lips at my corniness then I gave into sleep.

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**A/N: Please review, as they will only help me get better! Thanks for reading (possibly again...)**


	2. Pyromaniac

**A/N: Ok, so far I'm doing a really bad job of updating when I said I would, sorry about that. A huge thanks to everyone who continues to read this and "Heart Shaped Glasses", I really appreciate it!**

**So my excuse this time for not updating, well, my internet was down for about 2 weeks, then when we finally got it back up and running I realized I hated this chapter. Naturally I rewrote it, then hated it and rewrote it agian, and again and finally ended up with this, I'm still not 100& pleased with it but I had to give in and put something up, next one will be better, promise. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight not mine, no money, yadda yadda. **

**Anywho, on with the show...er, chapter.**

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**Pyromaniac**

My eyes opened before I could even register that I was conscious, a loud, thumping, screaming noise pulling me from my sleep, the abrupt awakening causing my body to tense. Instantly raising my head off the pillow, I turned my hips so I was laying on my side, propping myself up on my elbow as I pulled the curtain of hair away from my face. Groggily, I searched for the cause of the horrendous noise as my body's tension was replaced by a headache, which was slowly crawling upwards from the base of my skull.

I was reaching towards my lamp, deciding the extra light would probably be useful, when I noticed it, the pale white lights of my phone. Perched on the edge of my bedside table was my cell phone, signing loudly in the quiet hours of the early morning. Finally awake enough to understand the red numbers on my clock, I let out an irritated groan and fell back into my pillows. 5:48 AM. Viciously I grabbed my phone, immediately stopping the obnoxious noise that had been The Caesar's "Jerk It Out', which I had stupidly set as my ringtone.

"What." I snapped, not bothering to look at the caller i.d .

"Morning Bella." A chipper voice greeted me.

"Alice..." I warned, closing my eyes.

"What? I thought you would be up." She countered, followed by a loud banging sound in the background.

"It's Sunday, the one guaranteed day I have to sleep in, why would I be awake? And could you please stop whatever it is you're doing?" I groaned, pulling the sheet over my head in a pathetic attempt to hide from the coming day.

"Oh, sorry." Instantly the banging stopped. "So what do you have planned for next weekend?"

"Sleep." I mumbled into the pillow as I considered hanging up on her.

"Well, when you decide to wake up, you should go out to dinner with Jasper and I."

"You're coming home next weekend?"I asked while trying to stifle a yawn. Forks may not technically be Alice's hometown, but that didn't stop everyone from acting as though it was, it had unofficially become her second home.

"Yeah, we'll be there on Friday, Jaz doesn't have any classes so we should get there around, ohhh, five maybe." I nodded in response, quickly realizing I was on the phone, thus she was unable to see me.

"Sounds good." I finally managed, "Well, as much as I'd love to continue talking, Alice," I could hear the musical sound of her laugh, as she took note of my sleep-ridden sarcasm, "I'd rather go back to sleep."

"Oh my god, you remind me of Jasper, he'd probably sleep til noon if I let him." She groaned, her words bringing me back to a few months ago, as I remembered the last time I had visited them. I was sleeping on their sofa, which I really didn't mind, the thing was enormous and was probably softer then my bed, when I heard Alice dancing around the kitchen. Immediately I smelled the bacon and eggs and stumbled into the kitchen, greedily eating more then my share of the mouth-watering food, while Jasper remained in bed.

A few hours past as Alice waited impatiently for him emerge from the bedroom, growing steadily irritated every time he assured her he would "get up in'a minute". Finally she stormed into their bedroom, shrieking at Jasper to get the hell out of bed before proceeding to rip the covers from his mostly naked body. Completely unaffected by Alice's outburst, he reached for a t-shirt, pulled it over his head and existing the room, yawning as she appeared behind him, still screeching, her hands moving dramatically through the air. Steeping into the kitchen he smirked at me and, just as Alice started to settle down, grabbed the milk from the fridge, deliberately drinking from the carton, causing her to launch into another full scale verbal attack.

"I'm sure he would and I'm know I would if someone hadn't called..."

"Fine, fine, I'll call you later, k?"

Snapping the phone shut, I tossed it in the general direction of the night stand and rolled back onto my stomach, pulling the sheets once again over my head. Exhaling deeply, I snaked one arm under my pillow, the other curled into my chest, my legs sprawled over the lower half of the bed, narrowly missing Ruby, who was still asleep at the far corner of the foot of my bed. Impatiently I closed my eyes, praying sleep would find me immediately, which of course, it didn't. Only a few moments had passed when I found myself staring at the deep pink pillowcase that was tucked securely under my head, as sleep continued to elude me.

Irritated I pushed myself from the bed it was useless to remain laying there knowing I wouldn't fall back to sleep. With a sleep ridden scowl on my face, I grabbed my pills off the night stand before beginning my search for a pair of pants. Pulling open my third drawer, my eyes fell upon a pair of pink and yellow sponge bob pajama shorts, unable to control myself, I rolled my eyes.

_Of course, pink._

Too lazy to look for anything else, I removed them from the drawer and stepped into them, deciding they were comfy enough, even if they were pink. Until recently I never had a problem with the color, I even liked it a great deal at one point, but within the last few years everything I owned seemed to transform into some shade of pink. My curtains were bought in a terrifying shade of bright pink to match my bed set, which was a combination of deep, pale and rose pinks. In my closet hangs a robe which can only be described as an unnatural shade of pink, covered in penguins, and to my amazement, only half of which were hot pink. Following suite were my gym bag, slippers, flat iron, throw blankets, and so on and so forth, sometimes it felt like a bottle of pepto bismol had exploded in my room.

A small amount of light poured into the bathroom through the window near the door, illuminating the room enough for me to see without switching on the bright lights. I turned the cold water handle, letting it flow for a moment before filling the glass from beside the sink, almost instantly Snicker's little feet could be heard running down the hall towards me. Jumping from the toilet to the sink she leaned forward, her nose less then an inch from the falling water, her green eyes growing wide. What her fascination with water is, I'll never understand.

Twisting the lid of the small container, I dropped one tiny pill into my hand before throwing it into my mouth and draining the cup of water. Existing the bathroom, I carefully deposited the container back in the exact spot on my bedside table, before turning on my heel and quickly reentering the room. I realize I was being incredibly anal about those pills, but I absolutely hated taking medication and was desperate to finished with them.

My blood pressure isn't incredibly high, just high enough for the doctor to prescribe those stupid pills, deciding someone in their early twenties should be suffering from high blood pressure. Noticing the distress clearly written on my face, Dr. Rizk recommended watching my sodium intake, drinking more water and eliminating coffee from diet, regular exercise and trying to decrease my stress, and if my blood pressure lowered enough she would try taking me off the medication. Needless to say, I became our town's unofficial spokes person for healthy living, and as much as the locals insisted I would never be off the medication, my blood pressure had already decreased slightly. Never work, my ass.

Placing my toothbrush back in the cup, I wrapped my arms around the small, fat cat still sitting on the side of the sink, who began to purr at once and I sauntered back into my room, casually glancing at the clock. 6:28 a.m. Lightly scratching the bridge of her nose, I shifted my gaze around the room, contemplating what I would do for the rest of the morning, while enjoying the rare silence as the other occupants of the house were still sleeping.

Shifting Snickers into my left arm, I scooped a still napping Ruby with my other, and carried the two cats towards the kitchen, deciding a little breakfast was in order. Stepping into the dark, quiet room I leaned down slightly, feeling the felines jump from my arms and began dancing around my feet, knowing what it meant as I reached for their food bowls. Evidently hearing me open the can, Hobo, our large orange tabby quietly strolled into the kitchen, joining the other two as they lovingly brushed against my legs. Placing their bowls back on the floor, I snuck over to the door, cracking it open gently and noiselessly. It was unnaturally warm for this time of year, even in the early hours of the morning, the cold was almost nonexistent, even though it was still dark it was a beautiful morning for a run.

Quietly I left the kitchen, returning to my room once again, as I pulled my wrinkled white tank top over my head, standing topless while I rummaged through my top drawer searching for my sports bra, not bothering to close my door. Clasping the black bra, I pulled the white tank top back over my head, tugging it down to my waist before wiggling out of my shorts and letting them fall to the floor. In the blue butterfly chair, standing at the foot of my bed, was the laundry I had yet to put away and buried deep in the pile was a pair of black yoga pants and my grey Dartmouth hoodie. Finally extracting the articles of clothing I slipped them onto my mostly naked body, adding socks to the ensemble before snatching my iPod, attempting to untangle the ear buds as I proceeded back up the hall. Casually glancing towards the food bowls I notice Snickers still munching on leftovers, I carefully kneeled down, balancing precariously on the balls of my feet as I briefly scratched behind her ears.

Soundlessly I crept across the kitchen, pausing a moment to pull on my sneakers before walking into the cool air of morning. Beneath my shoes I could feel the last of the January snow, crunching softly as I absentmindedly skipped down the steps while spinning the dial of my iPod, the already cold plastic causing me to shiver. While continuing to shuffle through my 'rock' playlist, I dangerously stood on one leg, raising the other towards my back and attempting to grab my ankle with my free hand. Finally capturing my lower shin, I pulled it further up, my thigh parallel to the ground as I enjoyed the gentle stretch. Forcing it slightly higher, I ignored the small amount of pain that slowly leaked through my limbs, holding it for another minute before acknowledging my lack of flexibility and releasing my leg.

Quickly I shifted my weight, throwing the opposite leg into the same position and repeating the process then reaching my left arm over my head, feeling a familiar pull down my torso. Extending my arm further, the same slight pain claimed my shoulder, snaking down each rib and fell over the curve of my hip. Exhaling deeply, I relaxed my arm, raising my right and following the same pattern, finishing by lowering the upper half of my torso towards the ground, my legs straight as my palms came into contact with the frosty ground. Satisfied with my quick stretch I browsed my playlist once more, deciding on "Shut Your Mouth" by Pain.

Completely submerged in the loud, angry music I jogged to the end of the drive, swiftly glancing down the dimly lit streets before stepping onto the narrow strip of dirt traveling alongside the road, which remained untouched by the January snow. Crisp air flooded my lungs, whipping loose strands of hair from my face as I ran, as my feet pounded the ground. I could feel everything slipping away, every worry, every doubt, every moment of anger, each time my foot connected with the earth I could feel them fall behind, further and further. Urging myself to go faster, I pushed, as every thought became lost in the footsteps that lay in the dirt behind me, there was nothing that could touch me. I ran. There was no conscious thought passing through my mind, no emotion clinging to my vulnerable heart, just air diving into my lungs and stones shifting under my sneakers. It were these moments that I felt untouchable.

The world passed by me, blurry and unfocused, the dull street lights did little to help. The houses remained dark, quiet while still in slumber, the streets lay calm and untouched by any form of life. Towering trees concealed most of the morning sky, their spiny limbs interlocking over many of the streets, cocooning what lay beneath them on the ground, though I payed little attention to any of this. My vision was glazed, not really seeing any of what passed before my eyes, I was focused on the feeling of the run.

Something flying low across the pavement caught my attention, effectively pulling me from my daze. Slowing to a halt I leaned forward with exaggerated breaths, my chest heaving as I placed my hands securely above my knees, resting my upper body on my already fatigued legs. Raising one hand I grabbed at the cord of my headphones, tugging them from my ears and craned my neck, noticing a large, smooth, slightly blue colored stone laying on the street several feet away from me. Then a familiar voice filled my ears.

"Hey, Swan."

Edward.

I could feel a grin pulling the corners of my mouth as my head turned to meet his tall frame moving swiftly towards me, his messy bronze hair illuminated by the soft, white porch light. With an internal grunt I finally managed to push my torso upright, sliding my hands onto my hips just as Edward's body emerged from behind the naked hedge, standing only a couple feet from me.

To put it simply, Edward was gorgeous. His tall frame was muscular and well defined, the result of being friends with my brother for many, many years, but unlike Emmett he wasn't a mountain of muscle. No, Edward was lean, his long smooth muscles unmistakable under his flawless porcelain skin, dressed in jeans and a black sweater, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. He often reminded me of a Greek God, maybe Adonis, only better.

Beneath the waves of silky bronze hair was a face that most girls would have wet dreams about: the strong angular jaw, the long straight nose, the heavy arched eyebrows, the high sculpted cheek bones, the perfect emerald eyes framed by long black lashes. Like I said, the things wet dreams are made of.

"Hey." I replied breathlessly, my chest continuing to rise and fall dramatically.

"Long time no see, Bella." Even in the limited light I could see his eyes descend, traveling leisurely down my body and running a hand through his untamable locks before scratching the base of his neck, a satisfied grin on spread across his lips "You look good. Really.... good."A blush captured my cheeks, understanding the obvious implication of his words.

"Um, thanks. You too." I stammered awkwardly, unsure how to respond.

He chuckled, clearly enjoying my obvious discomfort, as his eyes once again raked my body shamelessly. Minutes passed and we said nothing; we just continued to stand at the end of his driveway. Slowly my blush receded and his eyes eventually left my body to rest on my face, his eyes screaming the words that never left his lips. He wanted me. I knew Edward well enough to be able read him, and right now that was all I could see, the want.

Licking his lips, he gave me a crooked smile. _The _crooked smile actually. It was the smile I had seen him perfect with Emmett throughout their teenage years, the charming and confident smile that won him the heart of any woman he desired. It was that smile that I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of, and completely unprepared for the effect it immediately had on my unsuspecting body.

My skin was tingling, as if he had just run his hands over every inch of my body, though he had yet to touch me. And my God, I wanted him to touch me. To feel his strong hands on me, the warmth of his skin on mine. My breathing became shallow at the very thought, Edward's hands on my body, slowly traveling over my skin.

Involuntarily I shivered, at the same moment the small, rational part of my brain screamed at me, screamed this shouldn't be happening, that I shouldn't be thinking about Edward this way. He was friends with my brother, close friends and being involved with him would never work, even if Emmett approved, which he never would. But it was more then Emmett, it was more then Edward, it was me.

After Mike, maybe it was even before Mike, I realized I don't want a guy, I don't want a relationship of any sort. Even casual sex was too intense, it had too much of a connection for me, no I'm happier alone. There's no guy drama, no worries, or any of that bullshit, it's just me and no one really understands that. I can't seem to comprehend why anyone would want to be in a relationship, why you need to be with someone. Because they "_complete_" you? Seriously? I had gotten into so many fights with my friends over this exact topic, they believe I'm just heartbroken after Mike. Ok, it hurt, but not losing him, the fact that he lied to me and cheated on me, that hurt. It was his actions, not his lack of presence.

I remember recoiling at his touch, not admitting to anyone that we were together, even denying it to a couple of people, and avoiding Mike for days. Maybe it's not too hard to understand why he lost interest, I'm just not girlfriend material, I crave my independence too much. I didn't like feeling tied down to someone, having someone that was so involved in my life, someone who was so god damn touchy-feely. I'm not a person to be touched, people can hardly touch me without me jerking away, handshakes are awkward and repulsive and hugs might as well be an eclipse because that about as often as they happen.

Considering relationships usually require a significant amount of physical contact, I was never going to handle them well. So why I was so eager to have very physical contact with Edward was beyond me, I was ready to blame it on the endorphins, which I believe were affecting my hormone levels greatly. Not that Edward was completely innocent, standing there with that- Oh shit, Edward!

Hastily I emerged from my internal debate to find Edward still standing there, his eyebrows pulled together slightly as he obviously wondered what I was thinking about, an amused smirk on his face. Blushing slightly, I realized I had just left possible the most gorgeous man in the entire plant waiting while I decided to let loose with some absurd inner rambling, my prioritizing clearly needed some work.

"So...." he began slowly, now that he had regained my attention, "Coffee?"

While the offer was innocent enough, a small suggestive grin remained on his beautiful face.

Coffee, right.

Exhaling deeply, I shrugged in defeat, carefully stepping towards him, completely aware of close he was, once he began walking beside me. Every couple of steps our arms would brush softly, causing a small smile to grace my lips and the alarms began to sound in my head. Yes, I was playing with fire, but right now I was a pyromaniac.

Causally we strolled along the driveway, once again finding ourselves in a comfortable silence and breathing the crisp morning air. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, the first morning rays falling on the steps as began to climb the short distance leading to his house. Quickly I glanced at Edward as he reached for the doorhandle, slightly anxious as to what would unfold when we stepped through the door.

* * *

**A/N: As usual, please review, I'd really like to know what you think and thanks for reading**


	3. Temporarily On Hiatus

Unfortunately this is not a new chapter but a terrible author's note.

I know, I know, I hate seeing these things too, I always get excited hoping for a new chapter.

Anyway, this is just to let everyone who is interested in this story know that I haven't abandoned it, though it may look like it sometimes.

Actually what I've decided to do is not post any new chapters until I have this fanfic finished or almost finished. I'm doing this with my other fanfic "Heart Shaped Glasses" as well, for any of you that are reading that.

Posting chapter by chapter obviously isn't working for me, I'm terrible at updating and, even though it may not look it, this upsets me greatly. I'm always hitting writers' blocks or am too exhausted from work to stay up typing.

So sorry to anyone hoping for a new chapter, I really do hope you will continue to read this fanfic when I start posting again (I'll post a new chapter a couple times a week means they're already done). I hope you realize I'm doing this mostly for you, my readers, because you deserve a story that has regular updates, which is why I'll never post another story before completing it.

Thanks to everyone for your interest in this story, I hope it won't take me long to start posting again, I have a break coming up soon so I'll get a lot written then.

Again, sorry for doing this (hopefully I won't lose many readers) and thank you for your interest.

-Redkin040

(I'll be replacing this with a new chapter when I begin reposting)


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